I’ve been married for six years now and although I’m no love expert, we’ve learned quite a few tips that will serve well for a healthy marriage. Here they are!
When you are upset it’s important to tell the other WHY. Don’t assume they already know. Allow one another to talk without interrupting. Remember everyone has a different perspective and a different reality. No one is a mind reader so if you don’t express what you’re thinking, don’t expect someone to know. Get to know one another, some may need time before communicating to cool down, allow them to do so and vice versa.
Respect each other. Don’t say things out of spite. Bite your tongue or walk away until you have calmed down because who ever made up “sticks and stone may break your bones but words will never hurt you”, LIED. Words hurt and you can NOT take them back. Try eliminating profanity while talking to or with each other. Curse words have a way of escalating a situation. Don’t insult each other and try to put the other person down by name calling, etc.
Learn each others love language! I can not push this one enough! It is so important to learn how you and your significant other give and like to receive love. How do you show your love? Is it by affection/physical touch, compliments/ words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or quality time? and now how do you like to give love? What do you do to show someone you love them? Sometimes what you may do or like to do is not how your partner naturally likes to receive love. Learn or ask them what their love language is and adjust the way you would normally show them. For example, You’re not one to give many compliments but your significant other loves to receive compliments and feels loved most when told nice things. So, you should work on giving them more compliments and saying nice things to them.
Compromise. Compromise. Compromise. Share each others interests and if you don’t, do it anyway. Relationships can’t be one way streets. If you like the ballet but your husband likes basketball but he always goes with you to the ballet yet you refuse to go to a basketball game. That’s not fair now is it? Make the compromise.
Forgive the little things and let it go. Accept that we are all human and all flawed. And I mean we are in it for the long run so why waste time being angry when you can be happy. Expectations can kill a relationship so let those go too! Apologize when you did something wrong or hurt your partners feelings. We can not control how someone feels or reacts to what we say or do but we can control ourselves. It’s important to acknowledge what you may have done to cause someone any hurt. Apologies go a long way.
Intimacy is key for feeling connected. Make time for each other, be open, honest and communicate. Keep it spicy.
Don’t wait for special occasions to do something nice and thoughtful. Be spontaneous, it keeps the fire alive and fun.
Appreciate one another and always say Thank You. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean anyone is obligated to do anything for you. When someone shows they’re grateful for something you’ve done it makes you feel appreciated and want to do it more. The less someone feels appreciated the more they feel taken advantage of, over worked or resentful. A simple thank you or act of appreciation goes a very long way.
Be positive. See the good in the world around you not just the bad. Try not to focus on flaws, instead compliment each other. Be each others cheerleader. Rise one another up and motivating each other to do and be good.
Do things for yourself. Always strive to be the best version of yourself as possible. You have to learn to love yourself before you can properly love someone else. Workout, work towards your goals and ambitions, or take time do activities you like to do. Spend time with people who are important to you. Because when you put all your focus on your significant other you’ll loose yourself and dive into what they’re doing and not doing when really you should be worrying less on them and more on yourself. Not focusing enough on yourself results in resentment (from both parties), nagging, and clinging.
Be understanding, and open to people’s feelings and perspectives other than your own. Each of us feels and experiences the world differently. We all have a right to feel our emotions. So the next time your partner does or thinks differently, understand that just because you wouldn’t do it that way, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Accept and understand your differences.