His first birthday is upon us, I can not help but to feel overwhelmed with emotions. My baby is growing and it is happening faster than I ever imagined. It feels like just yesterday I held him in my arms for the first time, waiting patiently to hear his first cry. That quickly stumbled into his many firsts…
The first time he held my hand and melted my heart. The first time he latched on and thankfully hasn’t weaned off yet. I don’t think I am ready for that as I love the bond we have created through breastfeeding. As much as I miss uninterrupted sleep. The sacrifice seems so little knowing that one day soon enough he won’t need to nurse in the night or want to cuddle to sleep. His first smile lit up the room and makes the sunshine look a little dimmer in comparison. That smile is contagious and spreads like wild fire. His first bath, was full of wonder and pure joy. Never has he cried to bathe only when it was time to get out. I instantly knew he had a love for water just like his momma. His first tooth popped out and quickly after that seven more followed. Those little sharp shark teeth have bitten me more times than I can count but I know those teeth symbolize just how quickly he will grow. “Mama” was his first word. His first steps quickly turned into runs. The first time he held his arms out for me. Each day he continues to have many firsts as this world is new and full of wonder. I feel so blessed to be able to be his mother. To teach him, to guide him and to shower him with my love for as long as I live.
My precious baby boy,
Words will never fully express what you mean to me or even come close to describing how much I love you. You are my first. And as you experience many of your firsts and continue to grow, so will I. You have taught me what pure unconditional and selfless love feels like. You have taught me how to be a mother. You are my heart and now that you are out of me and into the world, exploring and growing, my heart will forever be living on my sleeve. That is not something that is easy getting used to so forgive me for trying to hold you close and protecting you. The anxiety is real. I try my best and I will keep trying to let you explore and be the little adventurer you are. Never holding you back but always supporting your every dream. Continue dreaming little one. God chose you for me and in every way you are perfect.
You do these little things that I can’t help but turn to mush each time. The way you climb over me while asleep because laying next to me in my arms isn’t close enough. The way you get so excited to hug me and turn into a little hyper cuddle monster. The cheeky eyes you like to show off. The raspberry kisses. The tugging on my pants. The way you mimic my every move and follow my every step. The way your eyes light up when I walk into the room. I hope to always be your first love.
It is still hard to grasp that I was once your home. But my little baby, I will always be your home. I will always be here for you when you need me. I’ll always be a shoulder for you to cry on. A warm meal you can count on. A band aid for your booboo’s and your broken hearts. Your father and I have conversations about our fears for your future. We want you to experience the world around you to the fullest yet shelter you from all the pain and heartache this life can sometimes bring. And although we know thats not possible, we can’t help but keep trying our best. We have a hard time thinking of the right things to do. Whether to let you go to school or not. All in fear of someone hurting you, making you feel like less or insecure.This world is a beautiful place. Don’t forget that. Don’t lose hope in humanity as we are trying our best and be kind to all living things. We all have a beating heart and feelings whether we appear different or not. I already see your love for animals and that makes me so proud as that shows your empathetic heart. May you always continue to be your wild and sweet self. You deserve all the love and kindness of this world and no one should take that from you. You are so special, so loved, so smart, kind, energetic, handsome, giving, happy and bright. Don’t let anyone ever dim your light because you shine brighter than the universe. You are my universe. My love for you grows each day at a faster rate than you do. I never knew a love like this until you. I love you my little Bupbup, with every beat of my heart. “You are my sun, my moon, and all my stars.”
You are the sweetest part of my days.
Happy Birthday my little lovebug! May we be blessed to have many many more to come!